August 28, 2005
今日好有衝動想離家出走但係又冇地方去,惟有困在房裡睡覺,連lunch都冇得食. 跟住襯阿媽準備訓覺唔為意,就出去T&T買零食,去埋Starbucks買white chocolate mocha之後唔想返屋企就係街口停了車一邊聽歌一邊享受我杯white chocolate mocha. 諗左好多野,發覺自己處事越來越唔成熟,與其他人之間的相處技巧退步了很多. 想起了家庭,朋友,想起了他...聽住歌詞令我不自覺地哭了. 原來一個你愛著的人要離開你而你又沒有能力去做些什麼的時候,感覺真的很無助,很難受. 我唯一可以做的就是承擔所有痛苦希望唔好影響到任何人. 唔想他因我的事而煩惱更加唔想有人因為我而受到傷害...可能我真的只適合一個人生活.
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
August 26, 2005
I think I'm sick
Seriously need therapy...lol...I probably have "depressive disorder"(forgot wat its called! lol) So weird...I was back home after mj last night, everything seems fine w/ me before...but the minute I got into my room...I was helplessly crying...out of no where...lol!! chi sin ga!! and now my eyes are kind of swelling!!How can I go to work like this?! argh!
閉目入神 片段在搖晃
白被單蓋過了絕望 浸染著曙光
過份著迷 我站在何方
願抱緊你再次滴汗 身心再次安躺
曾望見世界遍佈了花園
照耀天上溫暖 再美 最後也終極耗損
如定了季節 幻變早有命數
無謂繼續 憑著記錄
沉著痛與你再度接觸
閉上眼 看你消失 背向你 有我哭泣
倚傍著窗簾的瞬間
乍看世界已消失 描繪不出過失
沉在記憶中卻剩得我
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
August 20, 2005
I think my life is repeating in a cycle
hahaha I just found out something VERY interesting today...exactly 2 yrs ago, I meant on Aug 19, 2003 I used the word "scum" to describe myself...lol!!! How funny is this? 2 yrs later, exact same date, i'm using the same word yet again...hahahha...I don't know how to describe this, but this is really a funny feeling...probably it means I didn't "improve" at all during these 2 yrs...still a scum...lol...so weird...and exactly 2 yrs ago, something else similar happened to me too!! omg! wat is this?! My life seems to be on a repeat mode for every 2 yrs...lol and from all these yrs' experience. May is definitely not a good month for me...absolutely not!! I always get so depressed during this month for these past yrs...that is sooooooo weird!!hahha..maybe next yr, I'll go away to some place else during this month, so I can avoid any "unforunate" events happening to me...!
Being the naive self I am...yesterday when the hail was pouring down...along w/ the Tornado warning...lol..I got really scared and started to think abt scenes in those disaster movies...and I got really paranoid to the pt I even considered the possibility of death...you can laugh at me and all ...but thats how I felt...and I had a sudden urge to call up this person to get some comfort but I controlled myself not to cuz I know I'm in no place to do that...once again I felt so lonely...its like not a single person on this earth can help me, I'm all alone by myself...not even my parents are there for me...I called my mom and told her abt the weather and I was scared but her reply to me was "Oh, then wat do you want me to do? I can't do anything, remember to turn off the "boiler" when u get home"...I was speechless...then ended the conversation very quickly...at that moment...I wanted to cry, but of course I didn't...cuz I was still in the office...there is another girl same age as me...she looks like she was crying...she said she's scared too...hahah...I felt so much better after knowing I'm not the only one that's scared...hahah...I'm so childish I know...
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損友
我曾伴你通宵飲過酒
亦曾被你燻得滿身煙臭
何時與你成為摯友 同走過寂寞時候
而難與你成熱戀的對手
寧願留下友情 情份更是永久
誰更清楚 清楚你的風流
纏住你手 只怕熱淚會流
和你能扮演好友 男士那般搭膊頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當你一位損友 沒寄望沒強求
若我離開 你不曾內疚
願能在你失意熱情慰問
未能被你酒後趁機一吻
誰人與你成為愛侶 能保證絕無掛慮
談情說愛 何日都可告吹
寧願留下友情 傷心都只可鬥嘴
誰更清楚 清楚你的風流
纏住你手 只怕熱淚會流
和你能扮演好友 男士那般搭膊頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當你一位損友 沒寄望沒強求
縱使找到新歡 你也會笑著不內疚
誰昨晚共你一起 用情如像遊戲
我沒福氣去責備你 無謂揭露誰在妒忌
就怪我太清楚 清楚你的風流
明白你一世亦貪新厭舊
我寧願當好友 無愁無慮地碰頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當最忠心損友 沒寄望沒強求
若我離開 你不曾內疚 是友情 沒強求
永開不到口 愛戀有沒有
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
August 17, 2005
忠於自己
孤獨帶比人一種淒涼既感覺。
孤獨係當親友朋好眾首一堂既時候發現無人明白自己。
孤獨是感受到心靈的空虛無論怎樣也無法填滿。
孤獨係人與人之間,距離的代名詞.
孤獨--是我.
察覺到自己已經無法再以真面目示人. 每天都過著騙自己的生活. 為的只是希望身邊的人得到快樂. 人究竟是為誰而活? 自私不是我的性格, 要我只做自己喜歡的事而妄顧他人感受, 我做不到. 極度渴望遠離我熟悉的環境從新過一些"屬於自己"的生活.
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
August 15, 2005
did't have time to update recently...i had a weird dream last night...i dreamt that i have a dog but its not really a dog...lol...like it looks real and it moves and everything but its just one of those high tech toy products...and i dreamt that cotton was playing w/ it...lol..and i constantly have to feed my "fake" dog...hahhahahha....wat a weird dream....
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
August 07, 2005
pics uploaded at imagestaion!
my room is freak'in hot! its like i'm living in hell...not allow to turn up the a/c...bull shit!!if i have the money, i will buy a house, an a/c JUST FOR MYSELF! yeah sounds like the plan! humph!
Author: elmolulu » Comments:
