August 20, 2005
I think my life is repeating in a cycle
hahaha I just found out something VERY interesting today...exactly 2 yrs ago, I meant on Aug 19, 2003 I used the word "scum" to describe myself...lol!!! How funny is this? 2 yrs later, exact same date, i'm using the same word yet again...hahahha...I don't know how to describe this, but this is really a funny feeling...probably it means I didn't "improve" at all during these 2 yrs...still a scum...lol...so weird...and exactly 2 yrs ago, something else similar happened to me too!! omg! wat is this?! My life seems to be on a repeat mode for every 2 yrs...lol and from all these yrs' experience. May is definitely not a good month for me...absolutely not!! I always get so depressed during this month for these past yrs...that is sooooooo weird!!hahha..maybe next yr, I'll go away to some place else during this month, so I can avoid any "unforunate" events happening to me...!Being the naive self I am...yesterday when the hail was pouring down...along w/ the Tornado warning...lol..I got really scared and started to think abt scenes in those disaster movies...and I got really paranoid to the pt I even considered the possibility of death...you can laugh at me and all ...but thats how I felt...and I had a sudden urge to call up this person to get some comfort but I controlled myself not to cuz I know I'm in no place to do that...once again I felt so lonely...its like not a single person on this earth can help me, I'm all alone by myself...not even my parents are there for me...I called my mom and told her abt the weather and I was scared but her reply to me was "Oh, then wat do you want me to do? I can't do anything, remember to turn off the "boiler" when u get home"...I was speechless...then ended the conversation very quickly...at that moment...I wanted to cry, but of course I didn't...cuz I was still in the office...there is another girl same age as me...she looks like she was crying...she said she's scared too...hahah...I felt so much better after knowing I'm not the only one that's scared...hahah...I'm so childish I know...
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損友
我曾伴你通宵飲過酒
亦曾被你燻得滿身煙臭
何時與你成為摯友 同走過寂寞時候
而難與你成熱戀的對手
寧願留下友情 情份更是永久
誰更清楚 清楚你的風流
纏住你手 只怕熱淚會流
和你能扮演好友 男士那般搭膊頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當你一位損友 沒寄望沒強求
若我離開 你不曾內疚
願能在你失意熱情慰問
未能被你酒後趁機一吻
誰人與你成為愛侶 能保證絕無掛慮
談情說愛 何日都可告吹
寧願留下友情 傷心都只可鬥嘴
誰更清楚 清楚你的風流
纏住你手 只怕熱淚會流
和你能扮演好友 男士那般搭膊頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當你一位損友 沒寄望沒強求
縱使找到新歡 你也會笑著不內疚
誰昨晚共你一起 用情如像遊戲
我沒福氣去責備你 無謂揭露誰在妒忌
就怪我太清楚 清楚你的風流
明白你一世亦貪新厭舊
我寧願當好友 無愁無慮地碰頭
和你牽手 只恐怕太荒謬
還是當最忠心損友 沒寄望沒強求
若我離開 你不曾內疚 是友情 沒強求
永開不到口 愛戀有沒有
yea i know what u mean..sigh...august is my most depressive month! haha...so let's make a pact..every may..i'm going to call u more often..and every august, u call me more often ok? hehe that way we'd feel better and not want to die all or most of the time
i didn't hear about the hail, or the storm because i was too busy learning all this stuff at work..but when ly picked me up at stc..i was so surprised at all the traffic..and plus we were fighting..but somehow i found out that there's a tornado and all this stuff..i freaked out and thought to myself, "well if anything happens, at least i'm here with someone i love" but because we were in a fight from the night before, i didn't say anything..and just let the moment pass..and then i just cried by myself while he slept and cried a bit during work cuz i was feeling lonely..and sooo near crying at the subway cuz i felt like something was wrong...i dunno...do u feel like with all the really bad weather lately, that we're going to die because of it? i've been scared for a few months but trying not to let it get to me...
anyways, we should have called each other when we were feeling so down..but of course, we're both chickens and don't have much guts to call each other and say, "i'm sad." cuz we hate admitting..or at least i hate the admitting part.
everything will be ok because we all have someone during specific moments to comfort us..
~jenn
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